Webster Canadians Salute You...

Now that the season is over its time for our annual Canadians salute.  Once again we will borrow the famous Budwiser commercial so be sure to sing the parentheses as you read aloud.  Enjoy.

Webster Canadians presents Real Men of Genius (Real Men of Genius).  Today we salute you Mr. weekend umpire as second job guy (Mr. weekend umpire as a second job guuuuyyy)

We know how hard you work during the week, but that won't stop us from heckling you like its Friday night at the Apollo (You really suck)

Despite your proclaimed love for the game, it is you who demands your payment at the start of the game (Show me the money)

It is you who changes the strike zone 17 times in a single game, first its a ball, than its a strike, than its a ball/strike (Can we get some consistency)

It is you who wants to chat about the last game you umpired (Did they hate you too?)

It is you who warns players about their language at the first sign of disagreement (He called me a cocksucker)

It is you who is at a loss for words when confronted with a bad call, but you always seem to utter the phrases:

• He beat the play 
• It caught the corner 
• We're not discussing this
• Enough 
• and the ever popular...yes I blew that one (that doesn't help us nooooowwwww...dick)

So crack open an ice cold beer Mr. Weekend umpire as a second job guy, because the next time you call someone safe after the ball beats him by 5 steps, remember the f-bombs could have been avoided if you just opened your eyes (Mr. weekend umpire as a second job guy)

Goodnite now.

THE CURES OF PARK AVE FEST STRIKES AGAIN!

It was first reported two years ago that the Canadians suffer from a Park Ave Curse.  Its a big conspiracy that some believe is true.  The fact is that league refuses to move the playoffs off of the popular weekend festival despite repeated requests from the team.  Conspiracy theorists believe is done intentionally to give the other teams a fair chance.  Those that witnessed the debauchery Saturday night know that its working.  Second, the league moved the Canadians off their home field despite winning on Saturday.  The result?  Dropped game one to the Cubs (again) 6-0 and game two to the Warriors 5-4.  Hey if excuses are like assholes and everybody's got one...here is our list

Witkowski - "I wore the wrong fucking hat...it was a Cubs hat, I had a lot on my mind"
Tomeno - "Are the umpires even watching the games?" 
Muoio - "I woke up and blew a 2.8 BAC...go fuck yourself.   I TEAR DOWN TENTS MOTHERFUCKER"
Ditrinco - "I developed a fracture in my foot because I had to carry Steve home"
Tuminelli - "I was in mourning for the fallen Navy Seals"
Garbarino - "Seeing Steve's dogs hump this morning really messed me up"
Kulumski - "I lost that ball in the sun"
Doyle - "Is that plate regulation size or what?"
Deuel - "I worked the Puerto Rican festival.  8 hours 14$ in tips."  
Eckler - "My wife is pregnant"  
Lambiase - "A 50 year old wanted to take me home last night...I passed and really needed a slump buster" 
Foos - "I got a new piercing on my cock"

Canadians Beat Warriors 10-7 in Thriller

Holy Cow!  Hey...if you were an umpire, and Bill Muoio came at you...would you shit your pants?  I know I would.

The Canadians won a close game on Saturday to advance into the second round of the winners bracket behind Steve Muoio's complete game 10H 7R 184 pitch outing.  However, the fireworks came after the Warriors missed the bean ball opportunity in the 6th on Canadian SS Mike Tomeno.  Then after the 3rd basemen was clearly indicated that he was Mikes #1 fan, a Canadian Fan turned into the Incredible Hulk.  Thankfully the umpire was wearing Depends so the game could continue after Bill took the walk to the car.

In the 7th one got away from Steve, and then one got tattoed over the LF wall.  Thankfully because of key hitting from Mick Tuminelli, Steve Muoio, and Charlie DiTrinco the Canadians had a big lead.

Here Come the Playoffs!

The Canadians finished the regular season with a loss that featured Eckler pitching, DiTrinco at SS, Tomeno in RF, and a 60 year old Catcher for the Braves.  Who cares, they made the playoffs as the #2 seed.  Oh and Abby is a ball hog.  See you next Saturday.